His Butler, a Rival
by monkeybait
Summary: It's Valentine's Day, and Ciel's lack of kindness pleases Lizzie not.


**Inspired by IAmNotASardine. You should probably go read her stuff, 'specially if you're looking for a laugh or five.**

It was nine' o'clock in the morning on that beautiful February 14th. However, Ciel woke up because sunlight was streaming through his window. It was most unpleasant. Ciel blinked against it and shielded his poor eyes with his hand. Alas, that did little to block the dastardly sun. He flumped over on his side facing away, but then it reflected off his mirror and pierced his mismatched eyes.

"Sebastian, come and curtain off this accursed light of morning," Ciel demanded loudly.

After half a second of waiting, Ciel realized something must be wrong to hinder the lack of immediate action to the most desperate situation.

"Sebastian!" the gray-haired snob child shouted. "At _once_!"

Then his butler burst through the door, doing an impressive flip as he jumped high into the air, landed before the window, and swung the curtains shut dramatically.

"Why did you not come in right away?" Ciel first inquired with a disgruntled grunt, but then immediately exchanged this question for, "Just what ever are you wearing?"

"Last night when you were quite tired, you informed me I may not approach you again tomorrow lest I first adorned a flamboyant hat." Sebastian's serious face clashed terribly with the exotic fruit-topped headpiece that rested on his scalp at a slight angle. "I didn't arrive right away, as it is terribly embarrassing for me to admit that this was the only criteria-fitting hat I could locate in the entire mansion, aside from yours, which you specifically said I couldn't touch, and that was only after I got the shovel-"

"Never mind that. Lizzie is coming soon," growled Ciel, quickly switching gears because hats was no longer an enticing topic. "Did you purchase an expensive present for me to give to her?"

"Of course," Sebastian answered dutifully, pulling the gaudy gift out from behind his back semi-magically. "It is Valentine's Day, so I bought her a heart-shaped box of Turkish crème-filled dark chocolate. I hope it will be to her liking."

"Mm-hmm," Ciel mumbled, as he didn't really care if it was to her liking. "And what time is she coming?"

"In ten minutes. I thought you knew that," Sebastian added as Ciel began to freak out.

"Nave! You expect me to keep track of my own schedule?" the preteen roared.

"Er, I suppose not," Sebastian sweat dropped, realizing that Ciel forgot how he'd reprimanded his butler yesterday when he'd reminded him it was time for violin and Ciel said he was old enough to remember simple things like that, he wasn't stupid.

* * *

Lizzie arrived in a white horse-drawn carriage at the front door. She was wearing a bright pink dress decked out with lacy red ribbon, looking like some Christmas tree/pin cushion crossbreed, as most latest fashions do. She entered the mansion, grinning obnoxiously, wondering what her dearest darlingest Ciely-kins-poo had bought her for this ever so feminine holiday.

"Where is Ciel, servant?" she asked a servant. "I expected him to greet me with chocolate and frivolities!"

"I'm Bard," said Bard. "Many fail to remember this, but that is my name."

"This doesn't answer my question," Lizzie replied.

"I suppose not," Bard sighed in lamentation. "I don't know what's keeping him. He'll probably be here soon. I'm sure he just has important Funtom Company work that he has to do."

Lizzie pouted. "He had better not think that work is more important than his betrothed on Valentine's Day! Of all days!"

Bard wanted to say that Ciel probably hated her and everyone else regardless of what day it was but decided against it and continued to be irrelevant to the plotline.

Ciel arrived down the staircase, wearing an outfit that was decked out in too much lace and easily dropping whatever masculinity that was left desperately clinging to its master by its pinky finger. "Lizzie. Good to see you. I hope that you are well."

"Ciel! Ultra yay!" Lizzie cheered, skipping up to her fiancé giddily. "Happy Valentine's Day! Whatever did you buy for me?"

"Just a box of chocolates," Ciel responded dully, handing it to her without eye contact.

Lizzie looked at the present in his hands and back at him. "That's… You're really going to hand it to me… With such an expression?"

"Yes, I'm really going to hand it to you with such an expression," Ciel told the far wall.

That's when Lizzie burst into tears. "H-H-H-H-H-How d-dare you! Th-Th-This the holiday w-w-we're supposed to w-wallow in our lovey-dovey happy f-f-f-f-f-feelings for each other!"

Ciel was already ignoring her. "How fast, Sebastian?"

His butler held up a pocket watch. "Not fast enough. 2.71 seconds less and you would've broken your record."

"Wh-what record?" Lizzie sniffled.

"Seeing how quickly I could make you cry after you entered the door," Ciel responded shamelessly. His fiancé began to wail even louder. "Argh. I need to get away from this incessant racket. Sebastian, let's go to the tea room." Because if you had a room dedicated specifically to the drinking of your favorite beverage, you'd want to go there too.

"At once, young master," Sebastian agreed with a bow. Ciel clunked away in his fancy shoes, leaving Lizzie to stew in her misery in the entrance hall. Sebastian turned around and asked politely though with no ounce of sympathy, "Will you be joining us as well?"

"C-Ciel's so mean…" the girl bawled, tears freckling the front of her extravagant gown.

"Yes, he kind of is," Sebastian responded, in a tone equally as polite and equally without sympathy as before.

That's when Lizzie raised her head and stared back at him with her bubbly blue eyes. "But not you. You're better than that, aren't you, Mr. Butler?"

Sebastian was not swayed by the romantic advances of human women of any age, plus he knew he was undeniably sexy, so these words came as little shock to him. They did seem to irk Ciel, however, who spun around at once. "Lizzie!" he shouted down the golden stairs, shoulders hunched comically. "Just what are you insinuating?"

"What do you care?" Lizzie grumbled through puckered, three-shaped lips. "My feelings don't mean anything to you. Not like they do to your butler." Little flowers bounced around Lizzie's head as she squeezed Sebastian's arm. Sebastian had no reaction other than to stare back at Ciel and shrug nonchalantly. The young master stared back in disgust. Sebastian was grinning inside; some days living in the Phantomhive mansion was difficult, other days it was downright hilarious.

"Peel yourself off him at once, Lizzie," Ciel commanded, folding his arms and scooting himself up on his toes inside his shoes to make himself seem taller. "You're my fiancé, and Sebastian is my butler. Therefore you must- _augh_!" Suddenly, Ciel lost his balance and tumbled forward, landing on the bottom of the stairwell in a heap.

"Ciel!" Lizzie looked worried, then remembered she was angry and reattached herself to Sebastian.

Sebastian grabbed Ciel by the back of his feminine peacoat and yanked him to his feet. "My lord, you should really stop pushing yourself up on your toes inside your shoes to make yourself seem taller."

"I was pushed," said Ciel.

"I see," said Sebastian.

"In any case," Ciel continued, straightening his tousled gray hair, "you're supposed to like _me_, Lizzie, so stop this utter nonsense at once and let's go drink tea."

Lizzie shook her head fervently, her curls swinging like baseball bats. A couple whacked Sebastian in the face, very nearly breaking his nose. "I love Sebastian now! He's gentlemanly and he has manners and he doesn't say awful things about me!"

Ciel grinned maliciously. "Oh, not yet. But he will if I order him to at the drop of a hat. Sebastian, say crude things about Lizzie."

"My, my, that's a terrible thing to do, young master," Sebastian answered.

Ciel faltered. "H-Hey! Do as I say!"

Sebastian lowered his face so that it was level with Ciel's. Their faces weren't very close in proximity, farther than, per sé, kissing distance, but close enough that Sebastian could have stuck his finger in his mouth, licked it, and given the snarky preteen quite a memorable wet willy. But I digress. "Ciel," Sebastian spoke slowly as if he were speaking to a four year old, "look at Lizzie and tell her you're very, very sorry."

Ciel drew away. "No," he said boldly, "I mean, why should I?"

"Because," Sebastian continued, "you have to be nice to people if you ever want to have any friends and/or a social life. That, and if you don't, you will get no fudge for snack time. And you will not forgive yourself ever if you miss out on my special fudge."

Ciel gritted his teeth. Curse Sebastian knowing him so well. "I'm sorry, Lizzie," he spat.

Lizzie looked torn. "But," she sputtered, "but I like your butler more now…"

"No you don't," Sebastian explained, "because when I'm not working, I dress like this." And then he put back on the flamboyant fruit hat.

"Eek! Love you too Ciel!" Lizzie squished Ciel against her, recoiling from the butler she swooned over mere moments ago. "Come on, let's go ride in my carriage and stuff! Now!"

So Lizzie dragged her beloved Ciel outside and the two of them rode around and did cutesy, twelve-year-old things together.

The three servants joined Sebastian in the doorway to watch Ciel and Lizzie outside, since work was boring and staring at people is fun. "Wow, Sebastian, I can't believe you put on that degrading hat to help out the young master," Maylene commented.

"Usually I wouldn't either, but it's kind of growing on me," Sebastian admitted.

"I guess the fangirls and shippers can really say you're _fruity_ now, huh?" Finny laughed.

Sebastian tore off the hat at once. "Never mind then. If it was that easy for _you _to make a joke about it then it certainly isn't worth it."

"Dear Diary, no one remembers who I am again," said Bard as he wrote in his journal, which doubled as the inside of his arm.

And thus, another strange day concluded at the house of Phantomhive.

**Forty-three is one of my favorite numbers for a stupid reason, so yay for story forty-three! *releases a couple virtual fireworks***


End file.
